I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
