Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
