If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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