Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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