thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
