i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize