theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
