Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
