I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I would ride that face into the sunset
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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