He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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