i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
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Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
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Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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