And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
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