I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
