i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
