I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Even my vagina gasped.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
This baby is an asshole
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
