i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Randomize
