I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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