New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
