So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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