how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing