I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype