I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex