guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
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Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
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Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell