We named our party play list daddy issues
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
