You're so nebulous sometimes
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wish there were birth control emojis
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
