Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
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He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
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I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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