My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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