My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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