y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
