i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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