Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
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