Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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