he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Randomize
