OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
