you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
