I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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