Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
