i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
