grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
