She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
