No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
