then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
