i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
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I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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