Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
