You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
