I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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