yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
