I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
