I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
