I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
