i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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