omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Randomize
