I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?