gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
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Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
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After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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