You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
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sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
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Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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