all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
