also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
