Your face is a jimmy john
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
