my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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