I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
