just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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