Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
